Over the last year I have learnt so much about myself and how to manage my illness. It hasn’t all been plain sailing but I feel I have reached the point where I can manage more highs than lows. I admit part of it is drug therapy, but hey, I never claimed to be perfect. My biggest lesson though is that if I don’t manage my illness then it manages me and I refuse to let that happen. I’m the one in charge.
I have just reached the end of two hugely busy weeks, at work and at home. The perfect breeding ground for a persistent harbinger of doom. Time to turn up the lessons learnt and stay in control.
Fortunately, for the most part I knew what was coming so had the ability to plan ahead. There was a major project rolling out at work for which I was managing the training (deadline Wednesday) and I was covering for a colleagues project whilst she was on annual leave. I also had an assignment to submit last Monday for my degree course (psychology, obviously). As with the best laid plans though, things soon went wrong. The e-learning programme I was using waged war against me and my colleagues project hit some hurdles. It meant me having to work into the evenings, and miss the time I had allotted for studying. No worries though, I still had the weekend to do my assignment…or so I thought. It soon became apparent though, that I was going to have work through the weekend to keep things moving.
The long and the short of it was that I got my assignment submitted on time, and I finished my e-learning programmes today, just two days late which had been pre-negotiated with the project team due to lack of IT support. Each day this week I have been starting work at 8am and finishing at 7pm. I am truly tired.
Tonight, I am sat at home writing this with a cup of tea by my side and Devon Sproule and her soothing tones in the background. I am relaxed and calm and looking forward to the weekend and re-charging. How on earth did this happen? It happened because I focussed on prevention rather than cure. Rather than jumping in head first and dealing with aftermath, I set up some preventative strategies.
Prevention 1 – Where possible, plan ahead
I knew these two weeks were going to be full on, although hadn’t appreciated quite how much. I didn’t make any social plans during the week as I knew I would be tired and need time to recharge. I got up to date with all house hold chores ahead of the game. I made sure I had healthy food and snacks in the cupboards…along with a small supply of chocolate. I gave myself permission to leave things in a bit of a mess and did it matter if I left the washing up for a few days? In all honesty, we’re just really talking mugs here, I as I haven’t been great on the cooking front. On Wednesday I felt I needed a bit of distraction and headed out for a quick meal with a friend, something that I would most likely cancelled if pre-arranged.
Prevention 2 – Mindfulness
Strangely, the times I need mindfulness most are times I am most likely to put it off. However, I made a deal with myself to keep it up, just 10minutes a day. Looking back, it’s amusing that I would think to myself I didn’t have the energy for Mindfulness. I didn’t have the energy for sitting in a chair with my eyes closed and breathing?? I kept it going though and I really felt the benefits in terms of being able to slow down my mind.
Prevention 3 – Self-talk
It’s just for two weeks has been my main mantra. Each time I felt those nagging negative thoughts coming through I would challenge them straight away so that they couldn’t take hold. Will I remember this in a months’ time? It’s not your fault that the programme isn’t working. You’re doing the best that you can. You are going over and above what is required. No-one is saying you have done anything wrong. People are congratulating you for your efforts and achievements. I trawled through my twitter feed which is heavy on positive thinkers. There was one tweet which came at the perfect time. It read ‘You’re amazing. Remember that’. It a generic tweet not addressed specifically to me, but at that time it might as well have been. I read it, smiled, took a big breath and back to it. I refused to let negativity get a hold. (Like I say, I’m taking my meds and I’m able to do this)
Prevention 4 – Take a break
No-matter what, I would set my alarm for 45 minute intervals all through the day. At the end of that 45 mins I would get up and walk around the office and top up my water. If possible I would pop my head outside for a breath of fresh air. At the weekend, I made a deal that I would do 2 hours ‘work’ in the morning and 3 hours of study in the afternoon. For lunch I would go for a walk to town and wander round the market, grab a coffee and a magazine so I wasn’t all work. I also picked a film to watch in the evening. If I’m truly honest, despite the work, I found it a pretty cool weekend. I didn’t feel like I should be working whilst I was taking time out and so was actually able to relax. Giving yourself permission to relax makes the relaxing a whole lot easier.
So, that was my preventative strategy and it worked. I’m relaxed with a sense of achievement and breathing a few sighs of relief. In the back of my mind there is a little voice telling me that I will ‘crash’ in a few days but I’m not planning on letting that happen. I’m going to keep up with the preventative strategy, give myself a few days rest (without guilt) and then get back to it.
Change your mind 