On paper my life looks almost perfect. I know this because I have carefully constructed it over the years. When I wake up in the morning I have a pretty good idea what I will be doing that day, and most likely the next 3 days (and weeks if we’re being honest). I have a good job and a beautiful house. I have enough money to live pretty comfortably. I have great friends. I can just about manage my relationship with my family. I am relatively fit and healthy. I have 101 great stories to tell of my experiences in this life. I have a cat for affection and spontaneity. I’m single because, quite frankly, relationships generate too many emotional ups and downs and these aren’t good for me in terms of managing my depression. Everything is stable, consistent and safe…or at least I thought it was.
Earlier this week I had my eyes opened. It was in one of those pesky therapy sessions where they help you relax and then drop a bombshell. Perhaps it was this lack of excitement and opportunity that was now feeding my depression? What if I could shake things up a bit? What if I started to make some changes? What if I started a relationship? Obviously, the thought makes me a little hot and sicky, but seriously, what if I did start a relationship? What if it actually worked out? What if it didn’t? Would it actually be that bad? Or, could it actually be as good as it sometimes looks? The thing is, I won’t know until I try.
What I do know is that on my current route, my future self will be asking ‘What if I had?’. That somehow seems scarier that asking now ‘What if I do?’
How about you? Are there any ‘What ifs?’ you can apply to your life?