What if?


On paper my life looks almost perfect.  I know this because I have carefully constructed it over the years.  When I wake up in the morning I have a pretty good idea what I will be doing that day, and most likely the next 3 days (and weeks if we’re being honest). I have a good job and a beautiful house.  I have enough money to live pretty comfortably. I have great friends. I can just about manage my relationship with my family.  I am relatively fit and healthy.  I have 101 great stories to tell of my experiences in this life. I have a cat for affection and spontaneity.  I’m single because, quite frankly, relationships generate too many emotional ups and downs and these aren’t good for me in terms of managing my depression.  Everything is stable, consistent and safe…or at least I thought it was.

Earlier this week I had my eyes opened.  It was in one of those pesky therapy sessions where they help you relax and then drop a bombshell.  Perhaps it was this lack of excitement and opportunity that was now feeding my depression?  What if I could shake things up a bit?  What if I started to make some changes?  What if I started a relationship? Obviously, the thought makes me a little hot and sicky, but seriously, what if I did start a relationship?  What if it actually worked out?  What if it didn’t? Would it actually be that bad? Or, could it actually be as good as it sometimes looks?  The thing is, I won’t know until I try.  

What I do know is that on my current route, my future self will be asking ‘What if I had?’.  That somehow seems scarier that asking now ‘What if I do?’

How about you?  Are there any ‘What ifs?’ you can apply to your life?


10 thoughts on “What if?”

  1. There are way too many “what ifs”. I am afraid too many of them will become “what if I hads”. Just starting to work on that :). Good luck !!!

  2. OMG yes. I’m assuming you’re talking about forward-looking “What-ifs”, not the unproductive retrospective ones! What if I move through this phase of my life and don’t do the writing which is calling me? What if I don’t ACT to lose this weight? What if … actually, this is getting a bit stressful, so I’ll stop there 🙂 Great question, though.

  3. Whew. I hate those sessions where I feel comfortable, and maybe even a bit smug, and then suddenly something smacks me in the fact and rocks my world.

    I’ll have to think about any “what ifs” that I might have. For the past year or two, I’ve been so preoccupied with managing my depression and getting through each day, that I haven’t thought through these kinds of questions in a long time. But maybe it’s time to mull over them a bit. 🙂

    1. Haha…you sound just like me with the smugness 🙂 I’m getting a sense we are quite similar. I’ve been the same…focussing on dealing with the depression. Having started with the What If plan it seems that my world has opened up a bit again. And I’ve only asked the questions…not really done anything….yet xx

      1. I think it’s great that you’re able and willing to just think about the questions, even if you’re not quite ready to jump in with both feet. If you can ponder deep questions like that, you must be in a better place than when every thought you have is focused on getting through the day…maybe? 🙂 I’d like to think so. Have fun pondering. 🙂

  4. Ahh, the ” what if’s” . I guess no matter what you do (or don’t) there will always be and stay ‘ what if’s” … My biggest ‘ what if’s’ at the moment that are often occupying my mind are: What if I really run out of money? What if I can not make anything of my life here? I try not to think of them too often, since I hope just by doing some stuff (and honestly – I don’t know very clearly what I’m doing or where I’m going) to figure it out someday. This is actually the first time in my life I have no ‘other option’ aka the plan B or C.

    1. That sounds quite scary. What I have done before, when faced with big questions like those are to allow myself perhaps 1 hour to focus on them and try to do something constructive with them. Knowing you have that time put aside helps free up your mind a little bit the rest of the time. Good luck

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